Quote of the Day.

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."

-Arthur Ashe (1943-1993); American tennis player, social activist

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Real Parents vs circus trainier/zookeeper.

Ok...How do I begin this, I start with a true story first...
I went to a friend house, Once I arrived there the kids were happy to see me and my friend (Kanchiong) usual gave me lots of food to eat ( whater i am pregnant or not, or whater i m not hungry or hungry, she kept pushing me to eat)..thanks friend for being "too friendly".
One of her daughter (9 years old) told me about her little sista Mimi.."Auntie ko tau ka si Mimi belum pandai baca lagi". I answered, "it's ok bah, dia mac tadika lagi, mac banyak peluang lagi tu dia belajar membaca"..Kanchiong came in from the kitchen and sighed "Kalo dia tidak pandai baca lagi sampai darjah satu, mo kena kac tution sudah tu", I was shocked!!! Apa??baru tahun satu ko mo kac tution si Mimi sudah? ya ampun!!!, she's barely 6, poor little girl.. If there is anything she needs more is PLAY, not to go tuiton like her elldest sister which is taking her PMR this year. Cukup2 la you pushed your eldest daughter to must have all A in her coming PMR (hope she dont go KOOKOO) but to subject your 6 years old girl in a tution class, that will be outrageous!!! Hey aren't you a teacher miss Kanchiong, why don't you teach Mimi urself! takkan la you don't have time teaching your own daughter kan?? Or are you like most of malaysian teacher i know... they are just in for the money but can not really teach? Let me see Mis Kanchiong, a teacher by profession but not confident to give coaching/ teaching to her own children... isn't that obvious.. As a teacher if you have no confidence to teach your own kids why should we let you teach our kids. Think about it Miss Kanchiong... I can consider lah if your kids need special tution in rocket science or some other pecular subject. But if you are a teacher by profession and you can even teach your 6 year old simple reading or maths... I think the case is clear.... Please dont do experiment on other people kids... Sorry Mis Kanchiong you are my friend but you go too far on this...

Looking at Mimi i see nothing wrong with her, she's very bright, talkative and very engaged with her surrounding. She is just a normal kids, curious about things which is of interest to her etc... Why on earth you want her to go tuition?Are you trying to destroy her childhood? In fact your eldest daughter pun seems to lost her real character already bcoz to much expectation in getting 7 A's. She have lost her passion and what is it that she wants.. she is like a robot i.e. if you say exam is important she say exam is important... I am wondering have you ever ask her what she want to do before you force fed to her all of this personal goal of yours. Mis Kanchiong look deep in your child and see them for who they really are and stop projecting your self on them, they are not you, they are unique individual, they need to be respected not to be brainwashed or pushed around.
I am wondering, is this the kind of development many parent nowadays really want their child to have? Only tu fullfilling parents needs which the word "Mesti" semua anak-anak saya dapat straight A in UPSR, PMR and SPM" instead of looking their childs unique ability? Dapat straight A semua pun it's not a license for the kids to have a happy & fullfill life in the future...

I speak of this based on my personal bitter struggle. I struggle to keep this expectation from the day I was born until recently... But now I am free... I just delete the all scripting, the old useless programme from my past and build a new script... I am my own parents now...I have to teach and console myself ... I am allowing myself now to accept who I am and be happy and fullfill just as I am. Before I was formed in my mothers womb God knows me (every material /bones of my physical), He alone know the depth of my heart and as He said to my forefathers He said it to me when i was created - "it is very GOOD" He said I am precious in His eyes...who are "this people" to judge me and say that i need to do this and that before i should know that i am good and degrade me....As Parents they should know that their role is not to condemd me but to channel God's unconditional love, not to force me to be something but to let me grow to my own unique potential.

After I saw my friends children's situation, I feel as if my haunted past is coming back to get me!!! Ahhhhhggggg!!!this is the one thing which kept me in depression for all this year (i dont even know that i was in depression all this year)!! I cannot figure out who I am bcoz my parents always trying to create me as a different person all this time! Mum and Dad, don't get me wrong, I don't hate both of you, I understand during my up bringing, u both wanted to give the best for me but it turns out otherwise. Did you know what I went through???.. why u dont know???... are you so busy with your career , or too obsesed with the ME in your mind... If you just let me be me and just love me for who I am do you think that would harm me? Would loving me harm me? Am I a threat to myself that you have to change me? Am I hopeless that you have to do everthing for me, to decide everthing for me? Am I not your daughter, a human person , living being, your sister in Christ, why dont you trust me, why don't you trust God who is my provider.

Parents nowadays have to reconsider back on how to bringing up children in this new era...ini bukan tahun 90 -an lagi which parents those day mac lagi ikut their parents( our grandparents) technic in how to raise a child...to be continue..


FionaFabian said...

sya time kicik brabis ni paksa mummy sya hntr pg tuition. Tp tda jg dia hntr..sampai form1, setelah paksa mummy bru kena hntr. Sj ja mau ikut kawan ni pg tuition. Bukan bljr pun. Haha... I'm lucky i guess utk tda kena 'FORCE' to bljr. Study doesn't seem so hard for me. But it's their expectations for u yg ko rasa susa hati ni. i tell u, my dad really put high expectation on me..Start dr darjah 1 sampai skrg..fuh! mayb drg mo the best jg utk anak drg ba..tda mau drg regret nnt in later life kan? but, i don't agree la klu kecik2 sda kena hntr tuition. tda dpt dia pg 'mansau' sm kwn dia..hehe

Sheena said...

If the expectation nda tlampau overated ok juga bah,tp kalo sudah itu budak dpt 5 A dlm pmr atau 2.8 cgpa in exam..itu pun parents nda puas hati,sia rasa ada yg x ngam dsana..haha.

FionaFabian said...

nasib upsr & pmr sya full A. spm bole la... tp skrg pointer 3++ pun dad sya suru up pg 3.5+. Odoi...tp, kalau sya la..sya rasa lama2 tu anak akan fed-up ni dgn parents dia. mcm sya...skrg as long i know i did my best, tda kisah sda dgn apa drg ckp..lali sda..hehe

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